Today I’ve got the King Of Creepy Thrillers – MARK EDWARDS! And Mark is a pro at these Smash Hits Biscuit Tin type random questions… (also, check out his sexy new website, launched today – and look out for the limited edition box sets of his brand new brilliant book The Hollows.)
Mark Edwards writes psychological thrillers in which scary things happen to ordinary people. Mark has sold over 4 million books since his first solo novel, The Magpies, was published in 2013 and has topped the bestseller lists numerous times. His other novels include Follow You Home, Here To Stay and his new one, The Hollows. Mark lives in Wolverhampton with his wife, their three children and two cats.
Take it away, Mark…
How many pairs of shoes do you own?
Two. I have a pair of black Converse for summer and a pair of black Doctor Martens for winter. Occasionally I will replace the Converse with a new pair of black Converse. Why on earth would anyone ever need or want more than two pairs of shoes? I’m looking the way I like and liking the way I look and two pairs is enough for me.
Sum yourself up in one word
Do you worry about swallowing spiders in your sleep?
I do now.
Where’s the worst place you’ve been sick?
In my dad’s cupped hands, on a coach trip from Hastings to London when I was about nine. I got travel sick. I turned green. I barfed. My dad, who was sitting in front of me, instinctively stuck out his cupped hands to catch the puke. Now, that’s parenting.
Are you any good at potato sculpting?
Oh yes. I won the Wolverhampton Potato Sculpting Championship, sponsored by the Penn Chippy, three years in a row. My best entry was my to-scale replica of the Terracotta Army which took up up half of Lidl’s car park and caused a terrible kerfuffle. I’m such a local legend they call me – wait for it – King Edwards.
Which actor do you fancy the most?
I’m going to say Lindsey Lohan because a night out with her would be a lot of fun, wouldn’t it? I’m pretty sure it would involve necking several bottles of tequila, reciting all the best lines from Mean Girls – ‘Stop trying to make fetch happen, Lindsey! I have a fifth sense!’ – then stealing a shopping trolley and riding it down to the canal. We’d finish the evening at Penn Chippy before (CENSORED – Ed) at the bus stop.
What was your favourite toy?
When I was a lad I had this amazing talking Basil Brush who said things like ‘Dog? I’m not a dog! Cheek!’ And ‘Hahahahahahah – boom boom!’ To make him speak you had to pull his willy. (It was actually a cord that came out of his, um, lower regions but everyone at school said it was his willy. Am I going to get in trouble for saying willy?)
When did you last sleepwalk?
That time I snuck into my great potato sculpting rival’s workshop – that’s Spud Chippingham from Walsall – and mashed up his Angel of the Midlands masterpiece. I was definitely sleepwalking and no one will make me say otherwise.
What’s your favourite kitchen appliance?
My gold-plated potato peeler, that was awarded to me for excellence in the field.
What’s your secret party piece?
My mastery of karaoke and ability to get a party started with my stunning rendition of ‘Pump Up The Jam’ which one observer (Lindsey Lohan) proclaimed to be be ‘better than the original’. Altogether now: Get your booty on the floor tonight, make my day, make my daaaay, make my, make my, make, make my day!
* * *
* * *