Susi Qs – Week 3 – Roz Watkins

Hello and welcome to my blog series – Susi Qs – where I will be quizzing some of your favourite crime fiction authors, in the style of the Smash Hits Biscuit Tin. For those of you unfamiliar/too young – this involved a celebrity choosing some very random questions from a biscuit tin. I’m using a virtual tin (let’s imagine it was one like this…), and instead of a celeb, I’ve got an author…

This week’s guest is Roz Watkins – author of the acclaimed DI Meg Dalton crime series set in the Peak District. ‘The Devil’s Dice’ was shortlisted for the CWA Debut Dagger Award and was the Times crime book of the month. Roz lives in the Peak District with a menagerie of demanding animals.

So, without further ado – let’s dissect Roz’s brain…

Would you rather have no forks or no plates?

I’ll go for no forks because our tables are usually covered in cat hair and in fact cats, so I would probably die of a horrible disease if I tried to go plate-less.

Do you pair your socks?

I do! Despite the above answer about cats and plates, I’m not actually feral. I have a complex system for reuniting single socks with their pair, but it’s too tedious to go into.

What’s the last book you read?

An excellent book which comes out later this year – ‘Two Wrongs’ by Mel McGrath.

What were you in a previous life?

I like to think I was something feline and graceful like a snow leopard, but I was probably a frog.

Are you any good at potato sculptures?

Yes, provided it is a sculpture of something potato-shaped.

Why are coconuts so difficult to open?

They are actually quite easy if you smash them over your partner’s head after too many hours together in lockdown.

Have you ever broken a bone?

I thought I was a high achiever here until I read Craig’s answer of 14! I’ve done four arms (not all at the same time) and one leg. The most impressive was two arms (at the same time) from falling off a horse. The least impressive was one arm falling from my neighbour’s window when drunk because it was too dark to go out the front door and round to my house, and I decided out of the kitchen window and through the garden was a much better idea. It wasn’t.

What was your favourite toy?

I was one those hideous children who operated on her dolls, dismembering and decapitating them, so basically anything human that could be experimented on was good.

What is your most unrealistic ambition?

I’d love to be a gymnast. (See ‘frog in a past life’ answer above.)

Do you find it hard to take criticism?

Well, I don’t read my bad reviews so take that as you will.

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Thank you, Roz. Why am I not surprised that you enjoyed dismembering dolls? 😉

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Find her on Twitter @RozWatkins

 

 

Susi Qs – Week 2 – Gerard Brennan

Hello and welcome to my brand new blog series – Susi Qs – where I will be quizzing some of your favourite crime fiction authors, in the style of the Smash Hits Biscuit Tin. For those of you unfamiliar/too young – this involved a celebrity choosing some very random questions from a biscuit tin. I’m using a virtual tin (let’s imagine it was one like this…), and instead of a celeb, I’ve got an author…

This week’s guest is Gerard Brennan – an obscenely obscure author of Northern Irish noir. His latest novel, Shot, introduces his new series character, Shannon McNulty. She’s cool AF.

So, without further ado – let’s find out more about Gerard…

Have you ever heard voices in your head?

Yes, 100% But they’re usually quite encouraging and supportive. “One more whiskey, Gerard,” they say. “You can handle it, you manly man, you.”

What is your most unrealistic ambition?

To live to 120 years old, only to be shot dead by a jealous husband.

Which actor do you fancy the most?

It used to be Gillian Anderson, but then she played Maggie Thatcher and I can’t get over the betrayal. So now I’m setting my sights on Elisabeth Moss fro The Handmaid’s Tale.

Who’s your favourite cartoon character?

Jessica Rabbit. Because of her singing voice. Ahem.

What is the most annoying thing?

Working for a living. I’m an artist. Where is my wealthy patron?

What was your first gig?

I did a brief modelling stint when I was 4. They dressed me up in a tux and I played a ring boy in a wedding party. I think I fell off the raised catwalk, but I can’t be sure. It was a long time ago.

When did you last sleepwalk?

I don’t sleepwalk. Sometimes I do Kung Fu in my sleep, though. And once my wife thought I was hugging her, but I was practicing a chokehold.

Have you ever written a fan letter?

No. I don’t like going to the post office. And most celebrities are wankers.

Are you any good at potato sculptures?

Do chips count as potato sculptures? I carve a terrific chip.

Which dead celebrity do you wish was still alive?

Your wee man who played Mr Myagi. Imagine how good he would have been in Cobra Kai.

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Thank you, Gerard. This was extremely enlightening 🙂

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Find him on Twitter @GerardBrennan

 

 

Susi Qs – Week 1 – Craig Robertson

Hello and welcome to my brand new blog series – Susi Qs – where I will be quizzing some of your favourite crime fiction authors, in the style of the Smash Hits Biscuit Tin. For those of you unfamiliar/too young – this involved a celebrity choosing some very random questions from a biscuit tin. I’m using a virtual tin (let’s imagine it was one like this…), and instead of a celeb, I’ve got an author…

My first guest is Craig Robertson – the author of nine novels, mainly set on the mean streets of contemporary Glasgow and featuring DI Rachel Narey and journalist Tony Winter. He has been longlisted three times for the McIlvanney Prize, twice longlisted for the Theakston’s Crime Novel of the Year, shortlisted for the CWA John Creasey New Blood Dagger, and is an international bestseller.

So, without further ado – let’s find out what’s inside Craig’s head…

Have you ever broken a bone?
Many, and most of them my own. Growing up I was regularly either reckless or stupid and as best as I can remember, broke a bone 14 times. The list is: left shoulder, left thumb, right arm (twice), nose (twice), right ankle, left ankle, left leg, big toe (twice), coccyx and fractured skull (twice). It was mostly falling or jumping from walls and playing football. Only one of them (broken thumb) was as a result of punching a wall aged 15 when my best pal sensibly ducked.


If you were a kangaroo, what would you keep in your pouch?
Another, slightly smaller, kangaroo. It could keep another, more diminutive kangaroo in its pouch and in turn that one could keep an even smaller kangaroo with a smallerer kangaroo in its. I estimate that with suitable sized kangaroos available, there would be scope for up to 17 in successive pouches but, in theory, the number is limitless.


What’s your secret party piece?
If I told you it wouldn’t be a secret. But okay, seeing it’s just us… I can not only name all 50 states of the US, but I can name all 50 state capitals. I mean, it would need to be a pretty dull party before I pulled that one out, but I can do it. Just don’t make me.


Where’s the worst place you’ve been sick?
Dundee


Do you pair your socks?
What? I’m not sure I understand the question because socks are sold in pairs, worn in pairs, are meant to be in pairs. It’s a PAIR OF SOCKS, not two socks. Of course I pair my socks! Accidentally wearing odd socks is one of my greatest fears, coming a close second to being eaten alive by a pack of diseased rats.


Do you have any weird habits?
No. None. No, seriously I don’t. I don’t. Ensuring you’re wearing matching socks isn’t a habit and isn’t weird, it’s the only thing that keeps the world spinning on its axis. Don’t mess with it. Confession: I once flew to Los Angeles, having taken three separate flights, to discover I’d been wearing odd socks the entire time. I nearly died.


Who was your first crush?
A girl named Jill Robertson. We weren’t related. She was beautiful, we were both six years old and in P2 when I scribbled a note saying I LOVE YOU and slipped it into the pocket of her coat outside our classroom. I’ve never told anyone this before so I hope to hell she never reads this. Or that anyone who knows me reads this. NB – I wasn’t a stalker aged six and I’m not a stalker now.


What is the most annoying thing?
Hm, that’s a tough one. I’d have to choose between it being either people texting while walking or people walking while texting. One of those.


What’s the scariest thing that ever happened to you?
Apart from discovering I’d worn odd socks on a transatlantic flight? I lost control of my car while driving on black ice on a country road. The car left the road at speed, caught the top of a fence and flipped twice in the air, Dukes of Hazzard style, and smashed up on landing. Luckily, I walked away with just a bit of a fractured skull (bone 14).


Do you empty your own hoover bag?
Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha. I’ve only just discovered that you CAN empty a hoover bag. Previously it was either someone else who emptied it or, when I lived on my own for six years, each time the bag was full, I presumed the hoover was broken and bought a new one. True story.


How many times have you seen Top Gun?
Um. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it. It’s one of those movies that I know lots of bits about (Maverick/Goose/Iceman/Kelly McGillis/homoerotic beach volleyball game) but I don’t know if I’ve ever watched the whole thing. It’s about aeroplanes, right?

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Thank you, Craig. A lot of things have slotted into place for me after that 😉

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Find him on Twitter @CraigRobertson_