Susi Qs – Week 13 – Louise Beech

Louise Beech1

This week’s guest searching for crumbs of normality in my tin of madness is the lovely Louise Beech. Louise’s fourth novel, The Lion Tamer Who Lost, was shortlisted for the Popular Romantic Novel of 2019 at the RNA Awards and longlisted for the Polari Prize 2019. Call Me Star Girl was longlisted for the Guardian’s Not The Booker Prize and was Best magazine’s Best Book of the Year 2019. I Am Dust was a Crime Magazine Monthly Pick. This Is How We Are Human will be published in June 2021.

Take it away, Lou…

Have you ever written a fan letter?

Oh, yes, hundreds. I used to do it as a bit of a hobby in my late 20s, back when snail mail was still a thing, and selfies were yet to be invented (which is what most people want now more than an autograph). I did my research, through agents and venues where certain stars were performing or filming, and wrote to them that way. I got some amazing replies. My favourite was from Edward Norton who signed a Fight Club poster and wrote ‘you are not your job’.

Where’s the worst place you’ve been sick?

I’m embarrassed to admit this – my own bed. But I was eighteen. To be fair, I could have died because it was while I was drunk and in my sleep. I literally, at 5am, just put myself and all the bedding in the bath because I was still drunk. Anyone still want to be my friend? No? OK. Understandable…

If you were a kangaroo, what would you keep in your pouch?


Would you rather give up washing, smiling or reading?

Jesus, three of the things most important to me. Erm… wow. Washing. I’d stink like hell, but I’d never be bored, and I’d light up the world with my shit-eating grin.

Who’s your favourite cartoon character?

Piglet in the Disney animations makes my heart melt because he’s my daughter’s absolute favourite. But I think my own favourite is Quagmire from Family Guy. We are soulmates. I have invited him many a time to join my husband and I, but no response so far…

Which celebrity do you wish was still alive?

Marilyn Monroe, without question. She was my idol growing up. I have probably close to a hundred books about her. She died before I was even born so we never existed together at any point on the planet. She was a lot cleverer than people gave her credit for.

What’s your favourite joke?

I probably couldn’t share any of them here. The first one I ever remember as a kid though was: What’s black and white but read all over? A newspaper. I just didn’t get it. I don’t think I even do now…

Why are coconuts so difficult to open?

Because they are selfish bastards.

How many times have you seen Top Gun?

Probably five times. I’ve listened to the soundtrack more and do a great Kenny Loggins Danger Zone impression.

What is your most unrealistic ambition?

To be the World Heavyweight Boxing Champion 2022. It won’t stop me trying though.

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If you want to know more about Louise, you can find her on twitter @louisewriter. Her books can be purchased HERE, or directly from the publisher, Orenda Books: HERE.

Susi Qs – Week 12 – Fergus McNeill


This week’s fabulous guest dipping their sticky fingers into my biscuit tin of randomness is Fergus McNeill. As well as writing crime novels, Fergus has been creating computer games since the early eighties, writing his first interactive fiction titles while still at school. Over the years he has designed all sorts of games, spoken at the Cannes Film Festival, and failed to excel at any sport whatsoever. He likes cats.

What’ve you got for us, Fergus?

What was your first gig?

Communards at Royal Festival Hall, and it was brilliant. Also, I may have stolen a poster from the foyer and waited at the stage door so Jimmy Somerville could sign it for me.

Why are coconuts so difficult to open?

I know, right? I mean, their main uses are for filling Bounty bars and imitating the sound of horses’ hooves, so I really don’t see why they need to be so bothersome.

What are you having for lunch tomorrow?

Probably a couple of those giant fish fingers you get from Waitrose, in a roll, possibly with a slice of burger cheese melted over them. It’s kind of like a Filet-O’-Fish from McDonalds, except it’s bigger.

What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?

I was walking down Main St in Santa Monica one afternoon, browsing in shop windows, when a guy ran out of a side street and came sprinting down the middle of the road, waving a gun. As I stood there watching, he turned and fired several shots at some other men who were chasing him. Everyone around me kind of sighed and melted into shop doorways, several of them turning away from the action so they could hear to continue their phone conversations. More shots were fired, the guy ran past and disappeared down an alley, pursued by the men. All around me, people moved on, like nothing had happened, while I stood there wondering why the hell nobody else seemed to be freaked out by it all.

What would you cook on Come Dine With Me?

Our next door neighbours were on the show (and actually won it!) so I doubt the producers would have anyone else from our street. But if you need a really good fish finger roll with melted cheese, I’m your man.

What was your favourite toy?

Any of the Star Wars lightsabers I had during childhood, but especially the red one because I secretly wanted to be Darth Vader when I grew up.

Have you ever heard voices in your head?

All the time, especially when I’m working from home. My desk is just a few yards from the kitchen cupboard, and I can hear pastries calling me, chocolate biscuits rustling in their packets, ice cream whispering from the freezer… it’s deafening.

Which actor do you fancy the most?

Ziyi Zhang, from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and House Of Flying Daggers.

Have you ever written a fan letter?

No, but many years ago I stood next to Douglas Adams in a bar for about ten minutes trying to work up the courage to speak to him. In the end, he left before I could think of anything to say and I really regretted it. Years later, I was walking through Highgate Cemetery and paused at his grave in silent contemplation of missed opportunities and risks not taken. I’d like to think that he was looking down on me thinking, ‘There’s that guy from the bar again. And he’s STILL not figured out what he wants to say!’

Do you have any weird habits?

I’m slightly obsessive about the way I eat. No, really! For example, if I’m having chicken and rice, I need to ensure that I always have enough rice for all the chicken, and vice versa. I mean, I absolutely HAVE to make sure I don’t end up with just rice, or just chicken, at the end. Consequently, I always encourage my wife to steal any chips from my plate right at the beginning of the meal, so I can adjust how I eat to make everything balance out at the end. Also, I’m physically incapable of enjoying a desert before a main course. Honest, it’s true!

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If you want to find out more about Fergus, you can check out his Wiki page (oooooooh!) or find him on twitter @fergusmcneill. His books can be purchased HERE.

Susi Qs – Week 11 – Theresa Talbot

theresa talbot

My Easter weekend victim of the random question generator is ex-Pepsi Challenge girl, current radio broadcaster and garden designer: Theresa Talbot. You may know her as the voice behind The Tartan Noir Podcast, and of course, for her fantastic Oonagh O’Neil crime series.

Take it away, Theresa…

Have you ever had your fortune told?

Yes! Frequently. I’m a sucker for a good psychic and love all that. I’m too old now & daren’t go in case they tell me my next book’s going to be a best-seller – reaching the top ten of the NY Times Best seller list after my untimely demise after slipping on a crisp poke and plunging down a ravine.

Which actor do you fancy?

I had HUGE crushes on Gregory Peck & Cary Grant when I was wee, but I don’t fancy actors anymore. I’d love to have dinner with David Attenborough though.

Have you ever broken a bone?

Yes, I sure have. Once broke my finger after an excruciating, but glancing blow from a bottle of nail-polish I was shaking too vigorously, and a broken toe – the result of jumping off the settee trying a new James Brown move – still gives me jip.

What’s your favourite joke?

Too long to tell but it involves a cat, a wife her husband and her mother on a roof.

Did you like school?

Jeez no I hated it. Or I did until the last 3 months of 5th year then things started slipping into place and I bawled my eyes out and begged my Mum to let me stay on but she was having none of it and made me leave with ambitions to sell me off to the local chimney sweep. I swear she kept me small for that very purpose.

When were you last arrested?

I’d like it on record that I’ve never been formally arrested or charged, merely cautioned, giving a warning and on one occasion a very stern Paddington stare by a rather lazy looking copper who clearly couldn’t be arsed filling out the paper work after catching me necking a Bacardi Breezer on Queen St. To those outwith Glasgow this was 6 months after it was deemed illegal to imbibe on the streets.

Is there life on other planets?

I have no idea – I thought about it once then decided such thoughts weren’t for the likes of me.

Who do you love?

Jeremy – my husband. AKA Bloke With Beard. We were friends 25+ years ago then met again through FB and ended up getting married. There’s a real gushy story to this that I insist on telling anyone who’ll stand still long enough to listen.

Do you pair your socks?

Don’t be silly.

What’s your most treasured possession?

I’m hopeless at throwing stuff away. I keep everything as they’re ALL my most treasured possessions. One day I’ll move to Royston Vasey and open a shop full of precious things.

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the quiet ones

If you want to find out more about Theresa, she can be reached on twitter @Theresa_Talbot or via her website Her books can be purchased HERE.

Susi Qs – Week 10 – Alex Knight

Alex Knight headshot

Today’s guest choosing from my random question generator is everyone’s favourite multi-monikered ex-pizza delivery boy from Glasgow… this week, he’s calling himself: Alex Knight

Go for it, Alex, I mean Mason, I mean…

What was your first gig?

Foo Fighters at Glasgow Barrowlands, November 23rd, 1999. I got kicked in the head by a crowd surfer during Everlong and managed to get my hand planted square on his back in the optimum position to launch him over the barrier, where a bouncer missed catching him. Probably the single most satisfying thing I ever done in my life.

What is the most annoying thing?

People who recline their seats on planes. They’re the worst. It’s a plane, they are inherently uncomfortable. You are not going to make yourself more comfortable by reclining, you’re only going to make the poor sod behind you even less comfortable.

Who would you rather pay golf with? Michael McKintyre, Take That, or The Queen?

The Queen, because she is much older and so will have less upper body strength. Plus, I think Barlow would cheat.

Have you ever written a fan letter?

I sent Bill Clinton a copy of my first novel and he very kindly wrote back on his official headed paper saying it “looks terrific”. Publisher didn’t go for my idea of putting “…terrific…” – Bill Clinton on the cover. Obama never replied.

What is your most unrealistic ambition?

I’m not sure if it’s unrealistic as I haven’t tried yet, but I would like to be filmed in slow motion and have someone pitch a Scotch egg to me like a baseball, which I would then slice in half with a Samurai sword.

What’s your favourite kitchen appliance?

Does a coffee machine count? Definitely coffee machine. I have made myself a minimum of two cappuccinos per day since the start of lockdown 1, which is 638 cappuccinos at the time of writing.

Who was the best Beatle?

People who say George are trying too hard to be different, and obviously it isn’t Ringo, so I’ll go with Paul because most of my favourite Beatles songs are Paul songs, even after you deduct points for Obla Di Obla Da. Also, he wrote both of the top 2 post-Beatles solo songs in Live and Let Die and Mull of Kintyre.

Do you worry about swallowing spiders in your sleep?

Well *now* I do, thanks a lot.

Which actor do you fancy the most?

Teri Hatcher in season 1 of Lois & Clark when she had the good haircut, or Charisma Carpenter in season 1 of Buffy before they turned her nice. Wait, does Kylie count? Any version of Kylie. You can probably guess my date of birth to within a week from these reference points.

Tequila Sunrise or Pina Colada?

The Eagles are a better band, but the Pina Colada Song is a better song

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If you want to find out more about “Alex”, he can be reached on twitter @TheAlexKnight / @masoncrossbooks or via his websites / His books can be purchased HERE (Alex Knight) and HERE (Mason/MJ Cross).

Susi Qs – Week 9 – Caroline Mitchell

This week’s guest choosing from the biscuit tin of randomness (hat tip: Smash Hits 90s) is mega bestseller and all round lovely person, Caroline Mitchell.

Caroline originates from Ireland and now lives with her family in a village on the coast of Essex. A former police detective, she has worked in CID and specialised in roles dealing with vulnerable victims, high-risk victims of domestic abuse, and serious sexual offences. She now writes full time.

Go for it, Caroline…

Who do you love?

The person who brings me coffee and chocolate when I’m elbow deep in edits.

What’s your secret party piece?

I’m a bit of an introvert so you’ll usually find me in dark corners at parties with booze in hand. However I have been known to entertain people with my true story of paranormal occurrences and the exorcism which followed. Always gets a captive audience, that one!

Were you any good at potato sculptures?

No, but I used to have a potato gun when I was growing up in Ireland (no shortage of potatoes there) I used to have perfect aim and took sadistic pleasure in shooting people in the backside.

When was the last time you were arrested?

Never…but as a former copper I arrested many. One of my most memorable was being stuck in a tiny holding cell (no windows, no doors, the place where you wait to enter custody) with a rather large lady of questionable hygiene standards when she ripped the loudest, wettest, deplorable fart. My eyes were watering it was so bad, and I was gagging for air when she said daintily ‘oops, ‘scuse me, I popped.’ Like it was some cute, dainty thing of Disney standards. I manage to choke the words while clawing for air ‘that was not a pop!’

Who was the best Beatle

John Lennon, for his vision, although I’m afraid I’ve never been a Beatles fan. More of a David Bowie woman, me.

What’s your most treasured possession?

The last picture I took with my mum when I visited Ireland to see her. I was getting out of the car and took a selfie of us on the spur of the moment, she and her identical twin were grinning away, with me in the middle. I had no idea that would be the last time I would see her. It makes me both painfully sad and happy every time I look at it, hung on the wall.

How many times have you seen Top Gun?

I’ve seen Top Gun twice – I was more of a Dirty Dancing Fan!

How many pairs of shoes do you have?

Not a huge amount, as I’m more into gadgets, but I’ve accumulated an awful lot more since meeting Mel Sherratt – our Harrogate shopping trips are legendary. Can’t wait to get back to it!

What’s your favourite kitchen appliance?

My coffee maker – goes without saying!

Which dead celebrity do you wish was still alive?

There are so many, but I watched a Freddy Mercury concert recently and his early demise was such a tragedy. He had a lot more to give. If he could bring David Bowie back with him that would be smashing 😉

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If you want to find out more about Caroline, she can be reached on twitter @Caroline_writes or via her website Her books can be purchased HERE

Susi Qs – Week 8 – Derek Farrell

This week’s guest choosing from the biscuit tin of randomness (hat tip: Smash Hits 90s) is the fabulously entertaining Derek Farrell.

Derek is the author of five Danny Bird mysteries. He’s married and lives with his husband in West Sussex. They have no cats dogs goats or children, though they do have every Kylie Minogue record ever recorded. Twice.

Go for it, Derek…

Where’s the worst place you’ve been sick?


You know when Rihanna sang “We found love in a hopeless place”?

That was Croydon, that was.

Do you find it hard to take criticism?

Well nobody wants to be told they’re shit, do they? But if you’re going to put anything creative into the world you can’t be too precious about it: Some people will love it, some won’t.

My only issue is when people mix up criticism with spite, or when they post a Goodreads review that uses ten thousand words and a full card’s worth of LitCrit Bingo Buzzwords to make out like they’re excoriating the work in the pages of the TLS. Those ones are the moments when I usually have to resist saying “It’s a Genre novel, Love, and you’re a part-time bookkeeper and <checks twitter bio> ‘cat parent’ from Surbiton, so you can drop the Harold Bloom act.”

Where was your best holiday?

My best holidays ever have been in NYC. Any part of it. It’s the city I have felt most alive in, most creative in, and the place where I proposed to my husband, on the 23rd of December 2005 after a performance of Wicked. We were crossing Times Sq heading back to our apartment in Hells Kitchen, and I choked.

Asking the question ‘Will you marry me?’ might get a big fat Yes. But what if he said ‘No’? What if he laughed and said ‘Don’t be silly’?

What if I never asked and we just kept going as we were?

Well, if we literally kept going as we were we’d end up in the Hudson River.

But I digress. Frequently.

By the time I plucked up the courage, we were beyond the glittering Neon fairyworld of Times Square in a less salubrious part of town.

Which was why I proposed, he accepted, and our special place will forever be on 8th Avenue on the pavement outside a dodgy sex shop that proudly boasted a peepshow with 25c Booths (though the neon was faulty so it actually said 25c Bots).

Would you rather have four arms or four legs?

Four arms please: One to type with. One to eat with, one to thumb through my twitter feed and one to flick through the channels on TV looking for an episode of Law & Order or Murder She wrote (cos there’s ALWAYS an episode of L&O or MSW on somewhere. It’s the law innit).

Four legs would only make me feel even guiltier that I’m not doing couch to 5k or training for an iron man or something. But frankly, until they take Law & Order or Jessica Fletcher off the box there is zero chance of me ever doing either of those things.

If you were a kangaroo, what would you keep in your pouch?

I know you want me to say my phone so I can keep track of my social media and my Amazon rankings, but Kangaroos don’t have opposable thumbs, do they? So my phone would be of little use to me.

No, if I were a kangaroo, my pouch would contain my babies Kylie and Jason (Kylie the Kanga and Jason the Jumper). And possibly – as I am now approaching old age – a bag of Werther Originals.

Sum yourself up in one word

Annoying. But ultimately Loveable. <Subs: Please delete as appropriate>

Do you pair your socks?

With what? Wine choices? Yes, I often pair my sheer black knee-length business Wolfords with a crisp Riesling and a soupcon of professionalism, while my tweed-knit hiking socks really need a tannin heavy Cabernet Sauvignon and a devil-may-care attitude.

Who do you love?

My husband. My family. My friends. People I’ve never met who are fighting to make the world a better place. There are few things sacred in my world view, and I joke about a lot of things, but Love is something I don’t joke about. It’s also something I no longer shy away from saying. There’s so much darkness in the world that nowadays, if you love someone, say so.

What were you in a previous life?

Annoying. But ultimately loveable. <Subs: Please delete as appropriate>

You know how people always say that in a past life they were Cleopatra or Julius Caesar? Well I’m not sure that I was anything in a previous life, cos I’m not entirely sure that there are pre- or post- lives to be honest. But if there are, then I was probably a laundry maid who drowned in a vat of piss that she was supposed to be bleaching the sheets in.

On brand, innit.

Would you rather have no forks or no plates?

No forks, please. No forks means I will never again be able to eat cauliflower rice. And if you’ve ever had to eat cauliflower rice you will know why I have gathered together every fork in my house and cast them into the recycling bin.

Vile stuff that looks tastes and has the mouth feel of ground up polystyrene.

I can still eat chips with my fingers, spaghetti with chopsticks and a spoon, and peas with my knife (classy). But if I never again, so long as I live, have to see cauliflower rice… <rambles off grumbling words like ‘obscenity,’ ‘disgrace,’ and ‘tasteless low-carb filth’>.

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If you need more of a Derek-fix, he can be reached on twitter @derekifarrell or via his website

His books can be purchased directly from the publisher HERE

Or from Amazon 

The Damselfly Launch Day: Ask Me Anything

To celebrate the launch of my third novel, THE DAMSELFLY – which is released into the wild (and all good bookshops) TODAY – I thought it might be fun to ask my non-crimey friends and my family to ask me a question. Most of them knew me long before I started writing novels. Turns out, there was a lot they wanted to know… and some people really don’t get the concept of ONE question 😉 In fact, I think some of these questions say more about them than they do about me! Thanks to everyone who took the time to think something up. Hope you like the answers!

Jamie Holliday: What did you think of Trainspotting 2? Well there’s one line from the film that sums it up perfectly – Sickboy tells Renton, ‘You’re a tourist in your own youth.’ I think we’re all guilty of a bit of nostalgia, and wanting to relive our younger years. Watching this film was all about that. I definitely felt emotional, especially with all the Edinburgh scenes and references to twenty years ago (especially when my dad just reminded me that it is almost 18 years since we left The Plough, the place that shaped my teen/young adult years) The updated ‘Choose Life’ was brilliant, and there were some classic funny moments too. I loved Spud. I just wanted to hug him. I thought it was brilliantly done and I loved it 🙂

Paula DeVaux: Are any of your characters based on people you know? Not any one individual, but many amalgamations of people I have encountered in some way over the years. I’m always people watching and things definitely stick in my head. Mannerisms, that sort of thing. If you had to be trapped in a book, which book would you choose? I’d quite like to be trapped inside The Wind in The Willows. I loved that book as a child. I suppose I’d have to be an animal if I lived there though? I think I’d be a hare. A mad one.

Micheal Forrestal: How much inspiration do you take from real life people that you know and turn them into characters in your books? Not so much people that I know, but I do like to eavesdrop on the conversations of strangers and make up characters based on that. When will you write a story with a male investment banking hero? I wrote this one. How much older and wiser are the characters in Banktoun. How have they changed their outlook over the series? They aren’t much older, and I am not sure they are wiser. All three books take place over a six month period in time. They may be a bit confused about why so many people have been murdered in a town of 4,000 in such a short space of time, though. Why are you so mean to me? Because I love you?

You dirty bird! How could you?
You dirty bird! How could you?

Ashlie Inglis: Which book did you most enjoy writing, and why? The second one, Willow Walk. Once I’d worked out the twisted backstory of Marie, it all flowed very easily. I enjoyed writing the fairground scenes, especially. Who’s your number one fan? MICHEAL. If I find out what a ducha escocesa is, will you incorporate it into your next book? Absolutely. I hope it’s something to do with your face being wiped with a slavery hanky. I realise that no-one from outside Scotland, or possibly our own family, will understand that last sentence.

Abby Fleetham: Have you read your own books after they are published? Not in full, no. Sometimes I have flicked through them when I am trying to remember something that happened, or if someone asks me about something that happened. Usually I have to search for things like a character’s hair colour to make it consistent in the next book, but then I realise I never actually stated what it was in the first place. Even reading little bits, it’s hard to comprehend that I actually wrote any of these books!

Dad: If you could go on holiday anywhere in the world, where would you choose? Well, as you know I’ve been to quite a few places already. I love travelling and there are still places I’ve never been to and would love to visit, like Hawaii. Are you offering to pay? 😉

Nicki Ridge: Are there more Banktoun stories you want to write or do you have a brand new idea you’re working on? I definitely want to write more Banktoun, but I am wary of turning it into Midsomer. I think a spin-off is a possibility, featuring some of the characters… but I am currently working on something else, as I need a little break from Banktoun for a while!

Russell Holliday: What’s your favourite condiment? I’m not a massive condiment fan, but I think I’d have to go with mayonnaise. Maybe mixed with a squirt of ketchup. Or garlic. Not together though.

Catherine Edser: If you could be someone else for a day who would it be? Victoria Beckham. So I could experience how it feels to be recognised by everyone… and so I could sleep with David, obviously. What’s the scariest situation you’ve ever found yourself in? I can still remember how scared I was when two boys followed me and my friend into the woods when we were children, and one of them told us he had a knife. If that sounds an awful lot like the premise for Black Wood, that’s because it is!

Me, in the film of me.
Me, in the film of me.

Mum: What’s your favourite word or saying, and why? I say FFS quite a lot, and not in the abbreviated form. Was that what you had in mind? 😉 I really like the word discombobulated. It applies most days, especially if I happen to watch the news. If there was a film about your life, who would you want to play you? Ruth Wilson. I’d like to be depicted with those lips. What inscription would you put on your own headstone? “She tried her best, FFS.”

Brian Hennessy: When did you first start thinking disturbed thoughts?  When I found that box of 70s/80s horror novels my mum kept hidden in a cupboard. Like this beauty by John Halkin… Thanks mum!!!

Rebecca Edwards: How do you go about choosing the names for the characters in your books? I am really glad you asked this. Clearly you haven’t read my book yet, or you would have spotted yourself in there… and your other half! When writing Black Wood, I spent far too long faffing about, trying to choose names – searching online using baby names, or automatic name generators. But then I decided to try and use some surnames of people from the town that Banktoun is based on. In Willow Walk, I ran competitions for people to have their names in the book (I killed all those people), and I started to use names of people I know, mixing up their first and surnames. In The Damselfly, almost every character has a name made up from combinations of my friends’ names. I also use their names for places, e.g. Forrestal’s Funfair and Fleetham’s Newsagents. I love it when people spot their own names or those of people they know 🙂 Eventually, everyone I have ever met will be featured in a book somewhere.

David McCarthy: Have you ever found your competing worlds of statistics and crime writing to collide? With deadlines, yes. It seems to be all or nothing – busy projects always seem to clash with book deadlines but I do seem to work better when I’m busy.

Vari Innes: Which book do you wish you could read for the first time again and why? American Psycho by Bret Easton Ellis, because it’s one of the most shocking but brilliant portrayals of a psychopath that I have ever read. The film is excellent too.

Lecter or Bateman?
Lecter or Bateman?

Emma Zuccaro: Out of the many horrors you have read who has been your favourite psychopath and if the book has been brought to the big screen has the actor/actress played that character as well as described in the book? Very difficult to choose between the two chaps on the right… From book to book did you create your characters’ progression or was that a completed concept right from the off? I have very little idea about my characters until I get about a third of the way into writing the book. I don’t tell them what to do, it just sort of happens. If the trilogy was to be made in to a television mini series which actor would you envision to play Davie? See below 🙂

Jennings and Gray?

Matt Glasby: Who would play Davie in the film adaptation? This finally came to me the other day. Not just Davie, but DC Louise Jennings too. I’d like Dougray Scott and Dawn Steele. They’d be perfect (although Dawn might need to dye her hair). I hope they’re reading this…

Hannah Evans: Have you read a book so scary you had to put it in the freezer? If only I’d seen that episode of Friends before I read the scary books… What was the first truly frightening book you can recall reading? I can’t remember the really scary ones that I read when I was too young to be reading them, but I do remember being very freaked out by Salem’s Lot and being petrified that someone might be hovering outside my bedroom window. Have you ever read a Mills & Boon? More than one. I used to quite like the ones with the cowboys, in my teens. We had a whole case of them in my dad’s shop and they got changed over ever few weeks. I reckon I read hundreds of them! How has your career in statistics aided in your second career as author? Hmm. Spreadsheets? Deadlines, planning? Pressure? Character names? Is there a sex scene in the next book? Two. A brief one, and an aborted one. When writing sex scene in second book, were you concerned that you’d win the “bad sex” fiction award? No, because I write great sex! Who do you picture you are writing for? You, so you can ask me ridiculous questions about it. Fancy a trip into writing YA fiction? Yes, and books for younger children too. Who is your favourite sister? They’re twins so I can say both 🙂 Based on hours accumulated writing and revenue received, how much per hour do you earn and does this mean you can afford to take me on tour? You can’t quantify creativity. And, no. How would you commit the perfect crime? Stab them with an icicle while wearing a balaclava? Favourite British landmark? Edinburgh Castle. Is Sergeant Davie (is that his name, I can’t remember for sure) based in anyway on a family member, or husband? No. Do you feel like a proper “grown up?” In every way? Absolutely not. Does anyone?

Bryan Bayfield: Do you hide any secrets in your books that only a few people will find? Not secrets, as such, but I use people’s names and sometimes anecdotes that the people who know will know when they see it, and the people who don’t will be none the wiser.

Gillian Barr: Now that you’ve written three books in three quite different styles of writing, is there any one way that you feel will become your approach to writing a book and also is there any technique that you would avoid in the future? I wanted to test myself and teach myself by writing each book in a different style, and each one had its own pros and cons. I don’t think I consciously chose any of these, and I don’t think I could choose one for the next book – it’s down to the story, in many ways. Sometimes it takes a while to work out the right way to tell it.

Laura James: What 3 things can you not live without and why? Pick things from the following list – A food, a book, a piece of tech, a drink, a location to visit. Cheddar cheese, because what would be the point of life without it? My phone, because I can keep in touch with everyone and also write chapters of books into it and email them to myself. The town where I grew up, because it holds so many memories (many of which are now immortalised in Banktoun.) What book was your favourite as a child but when you’ve re read (if you have) did it still live up to your memories? I haven’t re-read any of my favourite childhood books. I am scared that they won’t be as good as I remember. I loved Roald Dahl though and would love to re-read all of those one day.

Fiona Forrestal: If you didn’t write contemporary crime what era would you write in? I would love to write something set fully in the 80s because I loved growing up then and I think it’s a cool era pre-technology. It’s historical now, apparently, which makes me feel ancient! Have you ever lied to someone about them being in your writing? Not yet… Do you have a good memory for music and style when writing in the past (your lifetime) or do you need to research it? I like to write it as I remember it, but sometimes I have to check specific years for certain music etc (or ask Mr H, who has an incredible memory for dates from the 80s and 90s!)

Jon Smith: Am I in your new book or at least my name (in part with Lynne or Karen!) If not, why not – you promised 😘 Yes, you are (with Lynne!) Jon Poole is the headmaster of Banktoun Primary. But if so, is the character (or any others) based on any characteristics of the stats dudes? Marie Bloomfield in your last book did not appear so… You’re right, I take the names only. No characteristics. Well, except for your sexy ‘Amazonian’ secretary, Catherine Leeming…

Catherine Leeming-Price: When you start thinking of a plot, how do you know how far to take it (i.e. so the audience get it, they stay gripped, aren’t horrified/disgusted in the wrong way e.g. to the point of slamming the book down never to pick it up again)? Believe it or not, I don’t really set out to write anything horrific. I have covered some controversial topics, but I try to be as sensitive about them as I can. A little of burst of horror to reel you in, but not too much that it would put you off.

Marie Watissee: How did you come up with the character of Sergeant Davie Gray? Was he based on anyone you know? I don’t actually know. I needed a policeman, and he appeared. I think he is kind of based on a mixture of all the policemen I met when I was young. How do you come up with the ideas for your books? Ideas come to me all the time. Things just pop into my head. I can take any innocent situation and turn it on its head into something dark and disastrous.

Ralph Bloomfield: I assume you are an avid reader but are there any types or styles that you just can’t stand or do feel you should read anything in case it gives you an idea for a plot or character? The latter. Although I do struggle with straightforward romance/chick-lit type stuff as I am usually wondering when someone is going to be murdered. I pretty much do read anything though. I often get great ideas from the tiny news snippets that are used as fillers in the sidebars of tabloid newspapers.

Andrew Whittaker: Desert island discs. Top three. Pearl Jam, TEN. Nirvana, NEVERMIND. The Killers, HOT FUSS. That was actually quite easy 🙂

Miranda Kate: Do you have any tricks or tips for juggling job and writing? Not really! It is very hard to switch from one to the other. I find that being busy is good for productivity, though. If I don’t have deadlines, I become complacent. Do you follow any particular time management things? No. But I am trying to get better by using a day planner. The whole planner or pantsers thing – have you started planning more under the pressure to produce 3 books to contract? I seem to have done exactly the same each time – written lots of notes, turned them into a rough synopsis, written 20k words, stopped, outlined the rest chapter by chapter, and blasted it out before going back to edit the whole thing. Having a line for each chapter telling me roughly what it is meant to be means it is easier for me to dive in and write quickly, knowing what I am going to be writing about, even though it does change and evolve as the whole story grows. What have you found the most challenging about the entire ‘getting your book published’ process? Having very little control over how well the book sells. There is publicity and marketing, and then there’s a lot of luck. You do feel a bit helpless, but all you can hope for is that people start to spread the word, because it is very hard to get noticed when there are so many brilliant books released every single week. And what is your favourite bit? Getting messages from readers who enjoyed my book is the best feeling ever.

Thanks, all – I love you and I love your questions! If anyone else would like to ask me something (the more random, the better) – please comment below. I will answer anything. Maybe 😉

The Damselfly is out now

Chatting to Pete Sortwell

SJIH: Hi Pete, thanks for popping in. The kettle’s on. Help yourself to biscuits! Your novel ‘So Low So High’ has just been re-released… how does that feel?

PS: It’s a mixture of feelings really. I’m hopeful that it might find a lot more readers this time, while I’m also a bit nervous that maybe the only people who bought it last time where the only ones who wanted it anyway.

I can say that I’m really pleased to have this back in my stable and under my control. That is the over riding sense I have, which I suppose we’d have to mark down as relief.

I can promote this as I please and not have to worry about running it past anyone or having to put up all the budget myself while still sharing the profits.

SJIH: Can you tell us about it in a couple of sentences? No spoilers please…

PS: So Low So High is a thriller, but not like a normal whodunit, it’s more a Willhelive. It’s written as that but also to put the reader into the eyes of someone with a chronic addiction.

SJIH: You’ve based it around the world of an addict. How ‘real’ is your fictional portrayal? I imagine you had to do a lot of research?

PS: A lot of the situations surrounding the story are true, although not to one person. I’ve worked with people either in or in recovery from addiction for almost nine years now, also being in recovery myself, some of the feelings and thoughts are that of how I felt when I was going through it. So in that sense very real.

SJIH: You’re better known for writing comedy and parodies. What made you want to write this one? What was your favourite thing about writing it? Was it the characters… the setting… the subject matter?

PS: I actually wrote this one first. It took me just under two years from start to finish. The comedy books were a bit of an aside which came about because I’d just lost a close friend who a character in the follow up is based on, and also because I’d just signed SLSH with a publisher and felt that I could now self publish without feeling like a failure. An outlook I no longer hold, and probably never should have, however, that was how I thought in 2012.

The comedy books have just done better than this one, which is one of the things that’s exciting about releasing this again as I can use all the tools I learnt with my other books to get this one out there.

My favourite thing about writing this book was to get to say something of things in the fictional world that I never could at the time (in the small parts that are based on real events).

I think the subject matter was something that motivated me to write this, I just wanted to put out there what it was like to live in that hopeless world of not being able to choose what it was you did that day. I know a lot of people say addiction is a choice. It’s a lot more complex than that, I have never met anyone in Simon’s position who left school thinking ‘I’m going to be injecting in my neck in ten years time’.

SJIH: Was it hard to be inside Simon’s head the whole time?

PS: I think it was actually quite therapeutic to write. It was nice to be able to look at things from the other side and add in the dry humour. I know it’s a tough subject to wonder what there is to laugh about but there is humour to be found in all situations, it’s just a case of how your portray it.

SJIH: So what’s next? What are working on now?

PS: I’m slowly working away on the follow up, Die Happy, Die Smiling. It’s something that is almost four years in the making. I’m committed to finishing it and releasing it next year though and am looking forward to really editing it into a good book.

SJIH: Who (or what) inspired you to start writing?

PS: It was being at school and seeing a book my father wrote in the school library. I thought it was so cool that he had his name on a book. For me there’s still something almost magical about books. Kept well they’ll last a lot longer than us and in a way they are a way of making us, if not immortal, then certainly a lot more memorable than the three score and ten we get if we’re lucky.

SJIH: What’s the most exciting thing about being an author? Are there any downsides? Do you have any advice for anyone just starting out?

PS: I think the most exciting things about being an author are sometimes overlooked (by me) by the amount of rejected or feelings of not being able to pull off the next book, but all in all there are exciting things, one of best that spring to my mind is hearing that my first short story was going to be published. More recently, hearing that an editor at one of the big five liked what she’d read and wanted to meet with me to discuss working together. Finally, and I’m not sure if I’d but this under the ‘exciting’ banner but meeting a lot of crime writers either at festivals or book launches is pretty.

SJIH: What have you enjoyed reading recently? Do you have any favourite authors we might not know about? You listen to a lot of audiobooks, don’t you?

PS: My book of the year is Steve Cavanagh’s The Defence. I met him last year and saw he had an audiobook out so I got it and listened, he has a fantastic way of story telling and the style is just right for me to listen to as I drive to work in the mornings. I do like Audio, mainly because my reading speed isn’t as quick as I’ like it to be, but also because I can listen to the books when I normally wouldn’t be able to read, I.e. driving. I’ve also enjoyed Luca Veste’s books which where recently released on audio and I have yours all lined up ready to go, too.

SJIH: Thanks – hope you like mine! And finally, the question that I ask everyone… What does no one ever ask you that you wish that they would ask you? 

PS: Q: How would you like your payment, gold or platinum? A: Both please.

SJIH: Er… the cheque’s in the post? Thanks, Pete. It’s been a pleasure talking to you. Best of luck with ‘So Low So High’  – I predict exciting times ahead…

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You can find out more about Pete and his books on his Amazon Page, on his Website and on Twitter and Facebook.Pete and Lilly