Hello and welcome to my brand new blog series – Susi Qs – where I will be quizzing some of your favourite crime fiction authors, in the style of the Smash Hits Biscuit Tin. For those of you unfamiliar/too young – this involved a celebrity choosing some very random questions from a biscuit tin. I’m using a virtual tin (let’s imagine it was one like this…), and instead of a celeb, I’ve got an author…
My first guest is Craig Robertson – the author of nine novels, mainly set on the mean streets of contemporary Glasgow and featuring DI Rachel Narey and journalist Tony Winter. He has been longlisted three times for the McIlvanney Prize, twice longlisted for the Theakston’s Crime Novel of the Year, shortlisted for the CWA John Creasey New Blood Dagger, and is an international bestseller.
So, without further ado – let’s find out what’s inside Craig’s head…
Have you ever broken a bone?
Many, and most of them my own. Growing up I was regularly either reckless or stupid and as best as I can remember, broke a bone 14 times. The list is: left shoulder, left thumb, right arm (twice), nose (twice), right ankle, left ankle, left leg, big toe (twice), coccyx and fractured skull (twice). It was mostly falling or jumping from walls and playing football. Only one of them (broken thumb) was as a result of punching a wall aged 15 when my best pal sensibly ducked.
If you were a kangaroo, what would you keep in your pouch?
Another, slightly smaller, kangaroo. It could keep another, more diminutive kangaroo in its pouch and in turn that one could keep an even smaller kangaroo with a smallerer kangaroo in its. I estimate that with suitable sized kangaroos available, there would be scope for up to 17 in successive pouches but, in theory, the number is limitless.
What’s your secret party piece?
If I told you it wouldn’t be a secret. But okay, seeing it’s just us… I can not only name all 50 states of the US, but I can name all 50 state capitals. I mean, it would need to be a pretty dull party before I pulled that one out, but I can do it. Just don’t make me.
Where’s the worst place you’ve been sick?
Do you pair your socks?
What? I’m not sure I understand the question because socks are sold in pairs, worn in pairs, are meant to be in pairs. It’s a PAIR OF SOCKS, not two socks. Of course I pair my socks! Accidentally wearing odd socks is one of my greatest fears, coming a close second to being eaten alive by a pack of diseased rats.
Do you have any weird habits?
No. None. No, seriously I don’t. I don’t. Ensuring you’re wearing matching socks isn’t a habit and isn’t weird, it’s the only thing that keeps the world spinning on its axis. Don’t mess with it. Confession: I once flew to Los Angeles, having taken three separate flights, to discover I’d been wearing odd socks the entire time. I nearly died.
Who was your first crush?
A girl named Jill Robertson. We weren’t related. She was beautiful, we were both six years old and in P2 when I scribbled a note saying I LOVE YOU and slipped it into the pocket of her coat outside our classroom. I’ve never told anyone this before so I hope to hell she never reads this. Or that anyone who knows me reads this. NB – I wasn’t a stalker aged six and I’m not a stalker now.
What is the most annoying thing?
Hm, that’s a tough one. I’d have to choose between it being either people texting while walking or people walking while texting. One of those.
What’s the scariest thing that ever happened to you?
Apart from discovering I’d worn odd socks on a transatlantic flight? I lost control of my car while driving on black ice on a country road. The car left the road at speed, caught the top of a fence and flipped twice in the air, Dukes of Hazzard style, and smashed up on landing. Luckily, I walked away with just a bit of a fractured skull (bone 14).
Do you empty your own hoover bag?
Hahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha. I’ve only just discovered that you CAN empty a hoover bag. Previously it was either someone else who emptied it or, when I lived on my own for six years, each time the bag was full, I presumed the hoover was broken and bought a new one. True story.
How many times have you seen Top Gun?
Um. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen it. It’s one of those movies that I know lots of bits about (Maverick/Goose/Iceman/Kelly McGillis/homoerotic beach volleyball game) but I don’t know if I’ve ever watched the whole thing. It’s about aeroplanes, right?
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Thank you, Craig. A lot of things have slotted into place for me after that 😉
Find him on Twitter @CraigRobertson_