Susi Qs – Week 50 – Luca Veste

At last… the endless year comes to an end, and the final Susi Qs is here – you might say I saved the best till last? And while that *might* be true, I think it’s fair to say that every single week has been an absolute treat and I’m very glad I did this little series! For anyone who hasn’t been with me from the start, the 10 questions asked are randomly generated from a set of 50 (inspired by the Smash Hits biscuit tin of days gone by: here’s an example of Little Mix doing the same questions as The Spice Girls) – anyway, without further ado – thank you to all my guests this year – and you never know, Susi Qs *might* return one day. In the meantime, here’s this week’s fabulous guest – Luca Veste… who I first met and interviewed in 2014, when we were both still at school (haha).

Luca Veste is of Italian and Liverpudlian heritage and studied psychology and criminology at university. He is the author of the Murphy and Rossi series and numerous standalone novels including The Bone Keeper, The Six, and the forthcoming You Never Said Goodbye. He is the host of the hit podcast Two Crime Writers and a Microphone, co-founder of the Locked Up Festival, and bass player in the Fun Lovin’ Crime Writers. He lives in Merseyside, with his wife and two daughters.

So, Luca…

Who was the best Beatle?

Much to many people’s shock and chagrin, I’ve never been a fan of The Beatles. Growing up in Merseyside, it’s been very easy to roll your eyes at constant mentions of that particular band – mainly as every time you’re on holiday abroad, and you mention where you’re from, it’s the first thing that is talked about! So, I’ve always had a disdain for them. Right up until I watched the Get Back documentary on Disney Plus. I thought it was astounding. I devoured all nine hours of it and could have happily watched more and more of it. I instantly reappraised the albums, and while I still can’t get on board with 99% of pre-1965/6 Beatles, I am now a huge fan of the later albums. And for me, the obvious best Beatle, is Paul McCartney. John has some good stuff, but post-Beatles I can’t get along with. George has some brilliant tracks (While My Guitar Gently Weeps has been a favourite for a long time), and Ringo… well, Ringo should be very glad of being in the right place at the right time. Said with Peace and Love. But, Paul has been consistently the best songwriter of them all and is massively underrated as a bass player. 

What’s your favourite kitchen appliance?

We’ve just renovated our kitchen, which has taken me a few months and a lot of hard work. This gave me room for a dishwasher. I’ve never had one before. It is magic. I still don’t know how it works. I have never been happier in my life. The joy I am getting from loading and unloading, seeing how clean it gets plates and pans, is indescribable. I actually rang my dad the other day just to talk about the dishwasher. 

Have you ever broken a bone?

I’ve broken many, many bones. Legs (tibia and fibia), ankles (broke that a few times – the last time in Harrogate at Theakstons Crime Festival), both arms, my nose about six times, fingers, toes, all of them. Usually playing some kind of sport. Or during my misspent youth.

Do you have any weird habits?

I have OCD, which involves compulsions surrounding numbers. I’m constantly counting. I add numbers I see together and divide them by 4. I count to 5 if I think I’ve done something unlucky. Odd numbers are evil. I guess this counts as weird, but I think everyone should be doing it. We may have had a better couple of years if we had.

How many pairs of shoes do you have?

I own 4 pairs. One pair of posh shoes to go with a suit. One pair of dark trainers to go with jeans. One pair of white trainers to be sporty in. One pair of walking boots. And I still think I own too many.

When did you last sleepwalk?

I’ve never had a sleepwalk. It has always been a source of disappointment for me. I’d quite like going for a wander and waking up in front of the fridge or something. 

What was your first gig?

My first gig was quite late in life (if you discount the many I played as a wannabe rockstar during my teen years). I was 18, and went to see Muse at Manchester Apollo in 2001. It was epic. Two weeks later I saw Wheatus in the Liverpool Royal Court. That was a good fortnight. 

How many times have you seen Top Gun?

I have never seen Top Gun. There are a bunch of huge films I’ve somehow never seen. I only saw Die Hard for the first time a couple of years back. I’ve never seen a single James Bond film. It’s like my party piece – name a classic film that everyone has seen and Luca will probably shrug his shoulders and tell you about watching Goodfellas for the 216th time.

Did you like school?

I loved school. I never tried, which was probably a mistake, but I was too busy having a good time. My high school had a fantastic drama department, led by two incredible teachers Ms Moore and Miss Schofield. I was in school musicals every year, I played football, and had loads of fun. I wish I’d appreciated it more at the time.

What are you wearing?

A pair of Friends lounge pants, from my huge collection of lounge pants – the greatest clothing ever manufactured. I have over 50 pairs of them now. And a jumper, because it’s cold. I plan on getting dressed properly at some point in 2022.

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If you want to know more about Luca, you can find him on twitter @LucaVeste. His books can be found HERE.

 

Susi Qs – Week 49 – Steph Broadribb

For your Christmas Eve delight, I’m thrilled to be chatting to my partner-in-crime, the one and only Steph Broadribb! Woohoo! Steph was born in Birmingham and grew up in Buckinghamshire. A prolific reader, she adored crime fiction from the moment she first read Sherlock Holmes as a child. She’s worked in the UK and the US, has an MA in Creative Writing and trained as a Bounty Hunter in California. Her latest book DEATH IN THE SUNSHINE will be out on 1 March 2022 and is the first in the Retired Detectives Club series set in a luxury over-55s Florida resort community. Her other novels include the Lori Anderson bounty hunter series and the Starke/Bell psychological police procedural books (writing as Stephanie Marland). Her books have been shortlisted for the eDunnit eBook of the year award, the ITW Best First Novel award, and the Dead Good Reader Awards. She provides coaching for new crime writers via www.crimefictioncoach.com. 

Take it away, Steph!

Do you pair your socks?

Never. I mean, why is it necessary? Socks are, by their very nature, mix and match. That’s the fun of socks. I use my sock drawer as a random sock selection generator and leave the pairings to chance!

Do you worry about swallowing spiders in your sleep?

Constantly! In fact I’ve actually just bought a humane spider remover so that I can easily remove spiders that are lurking about in places that make it hard to catch them using my usual glass and piece of paper technique.

Have you ever written a fan letter?

Not that I can remember. (Maybe to Bon Jovi or Aerosmith – back in the day.)

Which dead celebrity do you wish was still alive?

It’s 50/50 between Marilyn Monroe and Michael Crichton. Can I have both?

What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?

I was deep down in the murky Hell Fire Caves and a massive spider-type thing latched onto my ankle and wouldn’t stop biting me. Honestly, it was the size of my hand and I was terrified it was going to gnaw my foot off. I screamed and screamed. It was only once I’d been rushed back through the tunnels and above ground that we could get a proper look at the monster. That’s when I realised it was just a sticky burr. (My excuse – I was nine).

Do you empty your own hoover bag?

I empty my own hoover but it’s a Dyson so it doesn’t have a bag – just a cylinder thingy. It’s always 99% full of my dog Red’s hair – how he’s not bald with the amount he sheds is a mystery!

When did you last sleepwalk?

I don’t think I ever have. I’m far more likely to have vivid dreams and see dragons at the bottom of the bed!

Have you ever broken a bone?

I’ve torn a lot of muscles and ligaments, and had an awful lot of bruises, from falling off horses over the years. I’ve also been kneed in the head by a horse (my fault, not his) and had to go and get my head scanned as the docs feared a skull fracture. Due to the force of the blow and the impact on my skull I now have a slight dip in my forehead which is the exact same shape as the corner of my horses’ knee!

Do you find it hard to take criticism?

Yes and no. It depends what it is, who is saying it, and whether I think they’re right! 

What are you having for lunch tomorrow?

I was going to say ‘Hummus, sweet potato and olives’ but as you reminded me, it’s Christmas – yay! So I’m having vegetable moussaka with roast potatoes (my mum is making pigs in blankets and roasting a chicken for Red – he loves Christmas!)

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If you want to know more about Steph, you can find her on twitter @crimethrillgirl. Her books can be found HERE.

 

Susi Qs – Week 48 – Abir Mukherjee

I’m delighted to welcome this week’s excellent guest… none other than the extremely entertaining and thoroughly good bloke that is Abir Mukherjee! Abir is the author of the Wyndham & Banerjee series of crime novels set in colonial-era India. His books have been translated into fifteen languages and have won various awards including the CWA Dagger for best Historical Novel and the Prix du Polar Européen. He co-hosts the Red Hot Chilli Writers podcast which takes a wry look at the books, writing, and the creative arts.

Hello, Abir!

How many pairs of shoes do you have?

Right so here’s the thing. Before lockdown, I had a sensible number of shoes – which is five pairs: black ones; brown ones; boots; and trainers x2.

Then lockdown came along and I went a bit stir crazy and bought so much stuff that I didn’t need, including footwear. I think I now have about 13 pairs, including four pairs of trainers, four pairs of boots and assorted other stuff like hiking boots (I’ve never been, nor will I ever go hiking).

The saddest part is, they all just sit there while I spend my days in my slippers.

What were you in a previous life?

Which one? I’m technically a Hindu, which means I’ve had loads of them. I’d like to think I was Machiavelli in one of them, but in honesty I’s be a crap Machiavelli. I keep telling my enemies all my plans on Twitter. More likely I was probably something rubbish, like a dung beetle.

What is the most annoying thing?

That bit of skin next to your nail that comes loose and hurts like buggery. I think it’s called a hang-nail – which sounds wrong to me.

What are you having for lunch tomorrow?

I really have no idea. Depends what’s in the fridge. I hope there’s fois gras and french bread. More likely it’ll be white bread and fish paste. It’s a wonder I’m still so fat.

When did you last sleepwalk?

I have never sleepwalked. Sleep-talking – now that’s another matter.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Ian Rankin

Is there life on other planets?

Of course there is. They’re just smart enough to know to give this a planet a wide berth. (And they’re laughing at us)

Who’s your favourite cartoon character?

Captain Caveman. I see a lot of myself in Captain Caveman. Hopelessly out of time and out of style.

What’s your secret party piece?

I can name the capital of any country. At least I could. I don’t get invited to parties much anymore.

Do you find it hard to take criticism?

Shut your face.

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If you want to know more about Abir, you can find him on twitter @radiomukhers. His books can be found HERE.

 

Susi Qs – Week 47 – J.M. Hewitt

This week I’m chatting to the wonderful Jeanette aka J.M. Hewitt, who is the author of seven crime novels. Her work has also been published in three short story anthologies. Her sixth novel – THE LIFE SHE WANTS – was released in July 2021, and her seventh – THE EIGHT YEAR LIE – is out in January 2022. In contrast to the sometimes dark content of her books, she lives a very nice life in a seaside town in Suffolk with her dog, Marley. 

Welcome, Jeanette, so…

Who was the best Beatle?

John. Without a doubt. One of my most favourite places is the John Lennon memorial, Strawberry Fields in Central Park. There’s a circular marble plaque in the ground which is usually covered in flowers that fans have left. A busker plays Beatle songs constantly. If I used one word to sum it up it would be ‘peace’, which is appropriate.

When was the last time you were arrested?

Ooh I’ve never been arrested, but when I was around seventeen, I used to hang out with this group of bikers who all lived together in a farmhouse. I’d ride pillion and obviously they never really kept to the speed limit. We were all riding through the country lanes one night and suddenly sirens blared out behind us. Naively I thought all the bikers would stop and apologise to the policeman and hopefully get let off with a warning but… they decided to run from the law!

The chase went on for a little while with me clinging on the back of a Kawasaki 750 for dear life, then the half a dozen motorbikes veered off to the left and rode full pelt down a set of concrete stairs – obviously the police cars couldn’t follow us.

We hid the motorbikes and our helmets in a field, covered them over with long grass and made our way the five miles back to the farmhouse on foot.

Would you rather have four arms or four legs?

Four arms – I could write two novels at once!

Have you ever heard voices in your head?

Erm, yes – doesn’t everyone?

Who was your first crush?

Ooh I had an eclectic mix of crushes. The first posters on my bedroom door were Edward Furlong, Alan Shearer and Mike Tyson. Swoon!

What’s the last book you read?

Ha – I’m almost finished with my current read, it’s an amazing storyline and I’ve been hooked from the very first page. It’s called Substitute. The author escapes me…

What is the most annoying thing?

Oh! People who wear jackets in a heatwave. It makes me want to scream. Also, people who walk in the road instead of on the pavement. It’s got to the point where I refuse to brake and we have a little standoff; who is going to get out of whose way first? If I do this quiz again this may well end up being the answer to ‘when was the last time you were arrested’.

What was your first gig?

Bon Jovi, These Days tour, Wembley Stadium, June 1995. It was my first and last gig. Six-inch heels and 72,000 people tramping through mud don’t mix.

What was the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?

A few years ago I had a biofuel fire. It was a pointless, stupid ornament that didn’t really give off any heat but looked nice. You poured ethanol into it and the flame appeared between two pieces of glass. One night I had this fire on, it had burned all the fuel so I topped it up. But I hadn’t let it cool down and it sparked, and suddenly littles fires were everywhere. On the cushion, the carpet, the picture frames on the wall but worst of all, flames were on the outside of the bottle of ethanol I was holding.

I remember thinking that this flame is going to burn through the plastic of the bottle, touch the fuel inside and it’s basically going to be a petrol bomb that I am holding in my hands. So I ran through the house, opened the back door and hurled the bottle as though I was doing javelin in the Olympics.

The bottle hit the decking and exploded. It was like fireworks night.

I ran back inside, shut the door and put out all the little fires in the lounge.

I called my partner at the time who was at work and said, ‘I’ve had a little accident. Everything’s okay but the garden is still on fire…’

Did you like school?

I was indifferent about school until the final year when we got computers. I’d not attend my scheduled lessons, instead I’d go to the brand spanking new I.T rooms and sit and write novels. I have fond memories of my fourteen-year-old-self channelling all the Jackie Collins I’d read into my high school computers instead of attending history or maths.

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If you want to know more about Jeanette, you can find her on twitter @jmhewitt. Her books can be found HERE.

 

Susi Qs – Week 46 – Rod Reynolds

Today’s guest is my good pal Rod Reynolds! Rod is the author of five novels, including the Charlie Yates series, the standalone Blood Red City and his latest release, Black Reed Bay. His 2015 debut, The Dark Inside, was longlisted for the CWA New Blood Dagger, and was followed by Black Night Falling (2016) and Cold Desert Sky (2018); the Guardian have called the books ‘Pitch-perfect American noir.’ A lifelong Londoner, in 2020 Orenda Books published his first novel set in his hometown, Blood Red City, which was longlisted for the CWA Ian Fleming Steel Dagger. In 2021, he returned to the US, this time to present-day Long Island, with Black Reed Bay. Rod previously worked in advertising as a media buyer, and holds an MA in Novel Writing from City University London. Rod lives with his wife and children and spends most of his time trying to keep up with them.

So, Rod…

When did you last sleepwalk?

I’ve never sleepwalked to my knowledge. My kids, on the other hand, do it constantly and freak me out.

What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you?

When I moved into halls at uni, in the first week, the window next to my bed smashed in the middle of the night, waking me up and showering me with glass. My roommate, who I barely knew, was standing over me, bleeding, and said someone had thrown a brick through it from outside. I didn’t sleep again that night. Of course, it turned out the next day he was pissed and had got up, disoriented, and tripped and fallen into it.

What’s the last book you read?

The Woman In The Woods by Lisa Hall. Extremely creepy.

Sum yourself up in one word

Hungry.

Who was the best Beatle?

Never been interested in the Beatles.

What are you having for lunch tomorrow?

Tacos, if I have anything to do with it.

Are you any good at potato sculptures?

Wtf? What kind of nutter actually does that?

Is there life on other planets?

If the universe is effectively infinite, then there almost has to be, right? Doubt we’ll ever encounter them though.

Would you rather give up washing, smiling or reading?

Smiling. Makes my cheeks hurt anyway.

What were you in a previous life?

A roguish speedboat captain with a heart of gold making drug runs in the Caribbean. It was bloody awesome and I’m hoping to go back to it in my next life. Got some unfinished business off the Turks & Caicos islands.

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If you want to know more about Rod, you can find him on twitter @Rod_WR. His books can be found HERE.

 

Susi Qs – Week 45 – Danny Marshall

This week I’m talking to my agency stablemate and all round good bloke – Danny Marshall! Born in Halifax, Danny is an award-winning writer of thrillers tinged with horror, exploring the impact of isolation and geography. His debut novel, Anthrax Island, was published in May 2021. The sequel, Black Run, is out on 5th December (and you can pre-order a lovely signed copy HERE). Danny lives with his partner and children in West Yorkshire

Take it away, Danny!

Where was your best holiday?

About seven years ago we did a three week road trip around Northern California, Oregon, and Washington, in a bright orange Dodge Challenger R/T. We got off the plane and drove 900 miles north, from San Francisco to where they filmed Twin Peaks, then meandered back nearly 1500 miles down the coast, stopping at filming locations – Kindergarten Cop, The Goonies, The Birds, the lighthouse from The Fog, Return of the Jedi, ET, The Lost Boys… the only real downside was we diverted hours to visit Aberdeen, to see where Kurt Cobain came from. I can see now where the teenage angst came from, the one-way system there sucks.

Who do you love?

In no particular order, My son, my daughter, Eva Mendes, and my partner.

What would you cook on come dine with me?

Mexagne. Like lasagne but a layer of chilli, a layer of pasta, a layer of Doritos, a layer of chilli, a layer of pasta, a layer of Doritos… continue until the topping, which is crunched up Doritos and cheese with BBQ sauce.  I wouldn’t win the cash because my entertainment would suck. And you know that bit where the other guests go rooting round the host’s house and start dressing up in their outfits or whatever? I just know I’d go totally overboard hiding questionable things for them to find.

What are you having for lunch tomorrow?

You’ve touched a nerve, this is a sore point in our household. No-one in Halifax has lunch, we have dinner. Except my partner, who’s a southerner and says lunch. As such my kids say it too, instead of dinner and tea. And my son gets confused at school because literally all his classmates call it dinner, but when he’s at home his mum tells him that’s wrong. She also makes him pronounce his Hs and Ts. Anyway, probably crisps and tomatoes and cucumber, same as I’ve been having most days for over a year now!

Did you like school?

I absolutely loved it, I’m very lucky. I’m the only member of my family to get into a Grammar school, I was punching above my weight and consequently ended up in the bottom percentage of the class for most subjects except French and Geography. I was always in detention or on report, and spent a lot of breaks ‘standing on a square’ – a punishment where you had to stand on one square tile in the entrance foyer of school for the whole of dinner time, shitting it as you waited for the headmistress to appear and bollock you.

She hated me, she withheld my GCSE results because she thought I hadn’t handed a text book in at the end of term (I had). I had to travel the four miles to school, wait until everyone had their results, to be called into her office and be told to come back tomorrow with the book. I went back the next day to get my results and the teacher remembered I’d handed it in… Ah, the good old nineties.

I was once almost suspended for attending another school. My school finished earlier than the others in the area and I’d jump on the bus to my best mate’s school, remove my tie, borrow one from a girl at his school who I fancied, and go and attend my mate’s detention with him in his school. After doing this a few times it was discovered I wasn’t a pupil of their school. Unfortunately someone grassed and told them my real identity. Snitches get stitches, if I ever find out who it was…

I managed to briefly get suspended while on a school trip to the Alps and was confined to my room for the rest of the trip but I’m not putting why in writing.

Despite all this and many more instances of almost-suspension and trouble (or maybe because of it) I genuinely loved school.

Do you pair your socks?

Of course. I find it incredibly therapeutic, I pair all the socks for everyone in our house.

How many pairs of shoes do you have?

Not including winter boots etc, six – which is the correct number:

One formal pair of Oxfords, for black tie,

One informal pair of Derbys for work – never worn any more thanks to now-permanent home working, but they’re there for weddings and funerals,

One best pair of trainers,

One everyday pair of trainers (the relegated best pair when you buy a new pair),

One pair of trainers for mowing the lawn and walking the dog and stuff (the relegated everyday pair when you buy a new pair),

One pair of trainers for working on the cars. These should always be Converse Allstars, to double as driving shoes in the event you need to be a getaway driver at short notice.

Why are coconuts so hard to open?

Because if they were soft they wouldn’t be lethal, and we’d have no scale of ‘you’re more likely to be killed by a falling coconut than…’ (insert less risky activity here).

Would you rather have no forks or no plates

I mean, bowls exist, so…

But in the spirit of the question – probably no forks. I don’t mind using fingers. I actually get unduly worked up when people use a knife and fork to eat pizza just because they’re in a restaurant. Like, you don’t use a knife and fork to eat the bread they brought out just because you’re in a restaurant, do you? So why the pizza? It really shouldn’t annoy me as much as it does.

Who was your first crush?

I’m going to go with Juliette from Muskahounds, and now you’ll have the theme tune in your head all day. I actually really fancied M’Lady too, but she was evil so I remember consciously trying to fancy Juliette more.

As a child, clearly considering the questionable morality of fancying evil people, but not the fact that they are a cat and a dog.

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If you want to know more about Danny, you can find him on twitter @DLMWrites. His books can be found HERE.

 

Susi Qs – Week 44 – Rob Parker

Today’s guest is one of the nicest chaps in the whole crime writing world… it’s Rob Parker! Rob is a married father of three, who lives in Warrington, UK. The author of the Ben Bracken thrillers, Crook’s Hollow, Blackstoke and the Audible bestseller Far From The Tree, he enjoys a rural life, writing horrible things between school runs. Rob writes full time, attends various author events across the UK, and boxes regularly for charity. He spends a lot of time in schools across the North, encouraging literacy, story-telling and creative-writing, and somehow squeezes in time to co-host the For Your Reconsideration film podcast, appear regularly on The Blood Brothers Crime Podcast, and is a member of the Northern Crime Syndicate.

Hello, Rob!

Have you ever had your fortune told?

Nope, but my wife did, just before she fell pregnant with our first. The result was a lot of stuff that missed the mark by some distance, but there was something like: ‘you will have a baby with someone beginning with the letter R.’ Obviously it was deemed as portentous. I thought maybe a quick facebook search might have already pointed said sage in the right direction.

Have you ever heard voices in your head?

Not that I can remember, but I do try out dialogue in my head all the time. Actually, thanks to lockdown and my family being home a lot more in the last 18 months, it turns out I don’t try it in my head that much at all, and just speak out loud in different voices like I’m having some kind of breakaway episode.

When was the last time you were arrested?

I love the implication that I’m a serial offender. But the closest I’ve ever come was when my friend and I jumped out of a taxi at university, and there was a sign on a wall that he, for some reason, took an immediate shine to—and started to pull it off. Something about the whole thing didn’t feel right to me, and my vision started to pull back, almost like in a film going from a close up to a wide, and I saw that the building in question was the back of Lancaster police station, a security camera was watching the whole thing and the sign itself read: ‘Police Vehicles, No Waiting’. Two bobbies appeared just as the sign dropped off into my friend’s hands, and my friend was led away for the night. He cemented himself in folklore by shouting over his shoulder to me: ‘Mickey mouse arrest!’ as he was led away, then proceeded to do press ups all night in his cell because he’d ‘seen 50 cent do it in a music video’. I was left on the street dumbfounded.

What is your most unrealistic ambition?

At 38 now, with every year that goes by, I’m like: ‘huh, looking less likely I’ll play for England’—without ever taking into account the small matter of an obscene lack of talent.

Where’s the worst place you’ve been sick?

Under a bunkbed on a lads’ trip away… which was forgotten about. ‘Anyone know what that smell is?’ Not good.

What would you cook on come dine with me?

All disguised as something posh, I’d go with a pepperami to start, pot noodle for main, and a kinder egg for desert—done in the style of that chap who tried to create the swankiest restaurant in London from his back garden, serving microwave meals on old plates. I reckon I could get away with it, especially when I dump out the noodles into a small bowl and lay a sprig of parsley on the top.

What’s you favourite joke?

‘If I see a cougar in the wild, I’ll puma pants.’ I’m still laughing now.

Do you prefer buttons or zips?

Depends on the item of clothing, and the location on the person. I’d love to see an experiment though, like a zip on a tux. Could be very Roger Moore.

Do you find it hard to take criticism?

I love criticism. It’s pure fuel. If it’s constructive, you’ve got tools with which you can improve. If it’s not, and it’s nasty, then even better—because now I want to beat you. Criticism is win win for me, always has been.

Is there life on other planets?

I sincerely hope not. ET gave me night terrors for years as a kid. Something about his rancid screeching and wet-nosed shuffling in the woods that always gave me the heebie-jeebies. Then when he appeared coming out of the shed at Elliot’s house? Looking like a reanimated poop with a long neck. Absolute nightmare fuel. So, if the aliens are like that, please no, let’s hoy them off that bridge towards the end of the movie and have done with it. I also really don’t like those grey ones with the big black eyes. There’s something utterly repellent about them. Any other intergalactic species is fine.

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If you want to know more about Rob, you can find him on twitter @robparkerauthor. His books can be found HERE.

 

Susi Qs – Week 43 – Lisa Gray

Today’s guest is my good pal, the very lovely Lisa Gray – an Amazon #1, Washington Post, and Wall Street Journal bestselling author. Her debut novel, Thin Air, was the third-bestselling Kindle book on Amazon.com in 2019. She previously worked as the chief Scottish soccer writer at the Press Association and the books editor at the Daily Record Saturday Magazine. She is the author of the Jessica Shaw series: Bad Memory, Dark Highway, and Lonely Hearts, and now writes full-time.

3 Interesting facts about me and Lisa – I first met Lisa at Harrogate in 2012 (I think?) when we were both unpublished and both won prizes of huge boxes of books that we couldn’t transport home. We also won our names in upcoming novels – I became PC Susi Holliday in a couple of Peter James books. I later stole Lisa’s surname to create my lovely policeman Sergeant Davie Gray in the Banktoun books. Lisa interviewed and featured me several times in the Daily Record before giving up journalism to write full time.

Welcome, Doll, so…

Who do you love? 

My family and my best friend. And Brad Pitt. 

How many pairs of shoes do you have? 

If I get to count black ankle boots and wedge sandals as shoes, then lots. I’m basically the Carrie Bradshaw of the crime writing community. Too many shoes, not enough luck in love, and I get to write for a living. 

Do you empty your own hoover bag? 

Not to be all Alan Partridge about it but do you mean Hoover or vacuum cleaner? I have a Shark vacuum cleaner, rather than a Hoover one, so I suppose the answer is no. 

Who was your first crush? 

The Rangers footballer, Ally McCoist. I adored him as a little girl and got to know him years later when I worked as a football journalist. I never told him I fancied him though. I mean, he’s never going to find out, is he? IS HE?? 

Who was the best Beatle? 

Sometimes I think it was Paul because he was the most handsome and wrote some great songs. Sometimes I think it was John because he was the coolest and wrote some great songs. And sometimes I think it was George because he wrote and sung ‘Something’ which is my all-time favourite Beatles song. So, um yeah, sorry Ringo. 

What was your favourite toy? 

It’s a toss-up between my dozens of Barbie dolls and my Girl’s World styling head. None of them escaped getting their hair chopped off so I’m surprised I didn’t grow up to be a hairdresser who inflicted bad ‘dos on people. 

Tequila Sunrise or Pina Colada? 

Both. Why choose?  

Would you rather have no forks or no plates? 

No plates. You can’t eat a Pot Noodle without a fork. 

Have you ever written a fan letter? 

Loads. Bros, New Kids on the Block, Take That… Name a boy band, I’ve stalked them. I also wrote to the producers of Byker Grove once asking for a part on the show. I’m still waiting for a response. 

Sum yourself up in one word. 

Fabulous. 

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If you want to know more about Lisa, you can find her on twitter @lisagraywriter. Her books can be found HERE.

 

Susi Qs – Week 42 – Diane Jeffrey

This week’s guest is the very lovely Diane Jeffrey, who I got to know after it turned out that she lives near one of my childhood friends. In France! Diane has written four bestselling psychological thrillers, all published by HQ (HarperCollins). Those Who Lie (2017), He Will Find You (2018), The Guilty Mother (2019), a USA Today bestseller, and The Silent Friend (ebook 2020, paperback 9^th Dec 2021). She is currently working on her fifth novel. When not teaching or writing, she runs (a little) and swims (a lot). Diane was born in Devon and now lives in Lyon with her husband, three children, black Labrador and cat. She was the first female lifeguard to work on UK beaches.

Hi, Diane!

Have you ever broken a bone?

Technically, no, but someone (he shall remain nameless) broke my little finger. I was early morning swimming training and a teammate going the other way in the next lane sort of took my little finger with him. I was taken to hospital wearing my bra with my school blazer around my shoulders. My little finger was sticking out and quite swollen, so that I couldn’t get my arm through the shirt and cardigan sleeves of my uniform.

Have you ever written a fan letter?

I’m not sure if this counts as a fan letter, but I wrote a letter to Lady Diana when she got married to Prince Charles. I was eight years old. I must have tried my hand at drawing something, too, because she thanked me for the picture when she wrote back! I cringe to imagine the quality of it as I’m really, really crap at drawing. Unfortunately, I don’t know what happened to the letter I received – I think it got lost when my parents moved house. It was typed – no doubt one by one of Diana’s staff –on thick cream stationery, embossed with the blazon of three ostrich feathers and a gold crown. But Lady Diana signed it!

How often do you change your sheets?

Quite often. At least once a fortnight, but usually once a week. If I were a rich A-list celeb, this would be my thing. I wouldn’t wash my face in Evian or demand rose-scented candles in my backstage dressing room, like some celebs are rumoured to do, but I’d want my sheets changed every day (by an employee, obvs).

Do you find it hard to take criticism?

I used to be very, very bad at taking criticism, but I’ve got much better. I can usually take constructive criticism on board and do something with it. I’m not good at dealing with catty criticism or bitchy jibes and tend to (over)react badly to that sort of thing.

Where was your best holiday?

It was in the Lake District in August 2012. It was a fantastic fortnight for many reasons. The kids got on so well that summer, the Lake District is incredibly beautiful and overall, we were lucky with the weather. The first week, it rained a bit, but we watched the swimming and athletics on the TV (it was the year the Olympics were held in London). The second week was a scorcher and we went on lots of hikes and did water activities in the lakes. My dog (a black Lab, Cookie) was welcome everywhere, which was wonderful. And the people were so kind and friendly!

I also got inspiration for a novel, which turned into my second book: He Will Find You, which is set partly in the Lake District.

We have plans to return there …

What’s your most treasured possession?

It’s a gold bracelet with the names of all of my children engraved around it. I had some gold jewellery melted down by a jeweller, who then made me that bracelet from the molten gold. I never take it off, not even to go through security at the airport.

Where’s the worst place you’ve been sick?

By sick, do you mean vomiting? I get migraines and have done since I was eight or nine. I take treatment every day to help with this and so I don’t throw up as much as I used to, but I have thrown up in several places when a migraine came on, including people’s houses and on public transport. Probably the worst place I have thrown up due to a migraine was in the theatre when I was quite young and my parents took my brother and me to London to see Evita.

I also got morning sickness with my pregnancies (like many women, not just in the mornings). One morning when I was about three months pregnant with my son, I went into school (I’m an English teacher) feeling nauseous. I threw up during my first lesson … I grabbed the wastepaper bin and sprinted out of the classroom, but my pupils all heard me puking in the corridor. It was very embarrassing! They were worried about me, which was sweet, so I had to tell them then that I was pregnant. They bought a teddy bear for my son when he was born!

What is your most unrealistic ambition?

I want to swim the English Channel and break a record. If I did some serious training, I could probably do the swim. It’s the breaking a record part that’s tricky! There’s no way I could ever beat the fastest woman’s time. So, I thought about setting a record for a family relay. We’re an Anglo-French family – I thought it was a great idea! My husband used to be a competitive swimmer, too (he was my coach, actually), and my son and two daughters are all competitive swimmers (they all swim far faster than I do), but I just can’t seem to get them on board with this plan! So, I think my best bet is to wait until I can break the record for the oldest woman / person to swim the Channel. The current record holder was almost 72 years old when she broke her own record.

Which actor do you fancy the most?

Matthew Goode. He’s from Devon, like me. I think he’s lovely!

I also have a soft spot for Jason Bateman. In fact, I based the physical appearance of my character Jonathan Hunt in The Guilty Mother on Jason Bateman, which was a great excuse to have an A4 print-out of his face sellotaped over my desk for ten months. Very inspirational!

Do you pair your socks?

God, yes! Doesn’t everyone? I even peg them on the washing line separately, but next to the matching sock – and the clothes pegs have to match, too! Is this too much? OCD?

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If you want to know more about Diane, you can find her on twitter @dianefjeffrey. Her books can be found HERE.

 

Susi Qs – Week 41 – Lisa Hall

My spooky Halloween guest is none other than Lisa Hall – who has the perfect creepy book to scare yourself silly with. The Woman in The Woods is out now! Lisa loves words, reading and everything there is to love about books. She has dreamed of being a writer since she was a little girl – either that or a librarian – and after years of talking about it, was finally brave enough to put pen to paper (and let people actually read it). Lisa lives in a small village in Kent, surrounded by her towering TBR pile, a rather large brood of children, dogs, chickens and ponies and her long-suffering husband. She is also rather partial to eating cheese and drinking wine.

Welcome, Lisa! So…

Sum yourself up in one word

Errmmm…probably exhausting? Or annoying. I think I am quite exhausting to live with because inside my own head it’s quite tiring…and I think that other people probably find this quite annoying. LOL.

How often do you change your sheets?

Every week, without fail. If I don’t then I imagine the sheets feel all clammy, which is exactly how I imagine a prison bed to feel, and it makes me feel all skanky and weird. Sometimes, after less than a week, I’ll get into bed and say to my husband, ‘prison bed?’ and he’ll say, ‘yeah, prison bed,’ and we’ll have to get up so I can change it.

Have you ever had your fortune told?

Yes. And it was weirdly accurate. She told me I’d live in the country, next to water, and there would be lots of rabbits and horses and that I’d have twins. At the time I was living in a town, but now I do live in the country, next to a stream, with lots of wild rabbits and horses around me. No twins though, thank God.

How many times have you seen Top Gun?

Too many times to count. Me and my sisters can still recite whole chunks of that movie.

What were you in a previous life?

If I wasn’t Cleopatra, then I definitely went down on the Titanic. I love swimming in the sea, but boats make me squuueeeeeeeeeeee. I am always 99% sure I am about to drown when I’m on a boat. (See what I mean about being exhausting/annoying?)

Did you like school?

Absolutely yes, because I was a Grade A, top nerd. Still am. I’m trying to persuade my kids that school is brill but they’re having none of it.

Have you ever been punched in the face?

No. Although, I reckon lots of people might have wanted to (see my answer to question 1). And I have a long list of people that I’d quite like to punch, but I am too nice/chicken to do it.

Who was the best Beatle?

Ringo – and he’s still the best Beatle. His mad rant telling people not to send him any more stuff because he would throw it in the bin, then wishing everyone “peace and love, peace and love” is the stuff of legends in our house.

Would you rather have four arms or four legs?

Who the fuck would want four legs? What can you even do with four legs? (Susi, what the hell is wrong with you? Haha). Four arms all the way – I am too busy to have four legs. With four arms I can write my book (sometimes), eat good snacks and cuddle my dog all at the same time.

Who do you love?

My family, obvs. My dogs – I have 5 all together and they are all amazing…sometimes they are amazingly dickish but amazing all the same. And Elton John. I really, really love Elton John.

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If you want to know more about Emma, you can find her on twitter @LisaHallAuthor. Her books can be found HERE.