This week I’m grilling one of my favourite countrymen, the very cool and ridiculously multi-talented Doug Johnstone. Doug is the author of thirteen novels, three of which have been shortlisted for Scottish Crime Novel of the Year. He’s a songwriter and musician with five albums and three solo EPs, and he plays drums for the Fun Lovin’ Crime Writers, a band of crime writers.
Let’s hear it, Doug…
What would you cook on Come Dine with me?
Steak and chips, keep it simple. They’re all gonna get smashed and slag it anyway, so it might as well be something I like that’s easy.
Which actor do you fancy the most?
Amy Adams. I think it’s her ability to talk to aliens in Arrival.
Which dead celebrity do you wish was still alive?
Jimmy Savile, so he could finally fix it for me to be a drummer in Adam and the Ants. Then I’d kill him again for being the worst person of all time.
Do you find it hard to take criticism?
Not really. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone’s got one. Folk are entitled to criticise me, and I’m entitled to ignore them.
Who do you love?
Family, friends, the guys in the Fun Lovin’ Crime Writers. Amy Adams in Arrival.
What are you wearing?
Joggers, hoody. Also a T-shirt for obscure podcast How Did This Get Made, which is hilarious about shit films.
What’s your most unrealistic ambition?
To score the winning goal for Scotland in the World Cup Final. To be the first person on Mars. To make first contact with aliens. Take your pick.
Have you ever heard voices in your head?
Only my own voice, telling me that my first draft is shit.
Do you empty your own hoover bag?
Well it doesn’t have a bag cos it’s a Dyson (fuck that guy, Brexit twat). But yes, I empty it.
When was the last time you were arrested?
As a student. Urinating in a public place. Up against the wall of a church.
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