Susi Qs – Week 26 – Neil Lancaster

This week’s guest is Neil Lancaster – the No.1 Audible bestselling author of the Tom Novak series. He has worked for the Metropolitan Police as a Detective, investigating serious crimes in the capital and beyond. His new series, featuring DS Max Craigie begins with The McIlvanney longlisted Dead Man’s Grave on July 16th (which is… today!! Happy Publication Day, Neil!)

He now lives in the Scottish Highlands, writes crime and thriller novels and works as a broadcaster and commentator on true crime documentaries. He is a key expert on two Sky Crime TV series: Meet, Marry, Murder & Made for Murder.

So, what have you got for us, Neil? (btw, it has been noted that you have chosen more than 10 questions, however, as it’s your publication day, I will allow it. Also, they were too good to cut.)

Why are coconuts so difficult to open?

Simply because coconuts are utterly bogging. If I had a choice between eating a bounty bar and slow and painful death, then death it is. However produce some yummy coconut milk to add to a spicy curry and I’m there !!! But bitty, desiccated coconut can get in the bloody sea. In fact, make them harder to get into… I reckon that any food that needs a machete to get into is trying to tell us something.

Which dead celebrity do you wish was alive?

Brucie… I bloody loved Brucie. I wrote to him as a kid and he sent back a signed photo with a nice letter saying how good my handwriting was. A lovely chap.

Do you empty your own hoover bag?

We don’t have a hoover bag. We have some really heavy Dyson thing with no bag, but if it needs emptying, I’ll empty it. Unless there are spiders in it, in which case it can empty itself.

Who do you love?

Peggy the Cocker, obviously.  (I wonder if my wife is concerned that I put Peggy before her, but have you SEEN my #binday tweets?)

What are you having for lunch tomorrow?

Soup, always soup. I make awesome soup. I can turn sludgy veg sat at the dimmest recesses of my fridge into a lovely lunch.

How many times have you seen Top Gun?

Are you joking? I was in the RAF Police when this came out.  Fourteen or fifteen thousand, I would say. When I was in the Falkland Islands, we used to have TG general knowledge quizzes.

What’s your favourite joke?

This is my 10 year old son’s favourite joke. I also think it’s timelessly funny.

“knock knock”

“Who’s there?”



“No I’m not.”

(you have to say it out loud… Okay, I’ll get my coat)

How many pairs of shoes do you have?

What are we counting as shoes? Like lace up leather things? In that case, one. If I’m counting walking boots, approach trainers, trainers, flip-flops, converse, wellies, slippers? I need specifics… More than my dog, less than my wife.

Have you ever heard voices in your head?

Hmmmmmm… Not ones that I don’t create myself. I do have a well developed internal monologue, but thankfully no intruders. I always have music on all the time, I don’t trust silence.

Would you rather have four arms or four legs?

How about four of each, then I could be a spider… (Why the hell didn’t you answer the spiders question, it was clearly made for you?)

Whats your most treasured possession?

Peggy? Do I possess Peggy, or do we just co-exist. I don’t believe in possessions. I use stuff, break it and then move on. I do have a certificate of my Granddad’s where he saved a life in Egypt… I like that a lot.

Tequila Sunrise or Pina Colada?

Neither. Both honking. Pina Colada is full of coconut (see question 1) and I once got so steaming on Tequila Sunrise that even the thought of it is troubling. To me the closest to a cocktail I will go is a G&T.

Whats’ your most unrealistic ambition?

Playing Rugby for England. Winning the CWA dagger? Getting out of bed without wincing at the pain in my back?

What’s the scariest thing that’s happened to you?

Probably when someone pointed a shotgun at me. It wasn’t so hot when someone tried to stab me, either. Ooh, no. I watched The Exorcist when I was 15. Still haven’t recovered.

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If you want to know more about Neil, you can find him on twitter @neillancaster66. His books can be purchased HERE.