Today’s extremely entertaining victim of the random-question-generator is Tom Wood – the author of the Victor series of novels, as well as the standalone thriller A Knock at the Door as T. W. Ellis. His Victor series has sold a million copies and been translated into ten languages at last count. His new novel, A Quiet Man, is the ninth in the Victor series and is out now in hardback and ebook.
What have you got for us, Tom?
How many times have you seen Top Gun?
You can’t seriously expect me to answer this any other way than “It’s classified; I could tell you but then I’d have to kill you”? (Tom Cruise grin).
Have you ever been punched in the face?
Yes, a few times. Many if we count Krav Maga training. The last time I was punched in the face for real happened at a concert. My partner at the time was dancing in an enthusiastic manner, which annoyed some people adjacent to us. It was a dense crowd and there was inevitable physical contact. As their annoyance grew, they began dancing in a deliberately retaliatory way, and before long pushing and shoving ensued between my partner and another woman. It escalated rapidly and though I tried to get between them, my partner gave this woman a shove that sent her stumbling. The woman spun around and punched me in the face. She obviously thought I had pushed her and she responded by clocking me right on the chin. It really, bloody hurt, but I was more annoyed than anything. Martials saw the altercation and quickly intervened to drag us out of the crowd. They then escorted us to the front, which would have been great under normal circumstances but I was so pissed off I couldn’t enjoy the rest of the night. My (then) partner carried on dancing as if nothing had happened.
Do you prefer buttons or zips?
Buttons! I have a bad habit of not pulling zippers all the way up, which isn’t a big deal with a jacket but is asking for trouble when that zipper is on a pair of jeans.
Sum yourself up in one word
Would you rather give up washing, smiling or reading?
Smiling for sure. I barely smile as it is since I’m such a miserable, joyless bastard, so it’s no great hardship giving it up.
Where’s the worst place you’ve been sick?
Like many teenagers I drank far more cider than my constitution could handle, and this resulted in many instances of vomiting. The worst place it happened has to be the laundry basket in my bedroom when I was maybe seventeen. The reason why this takes the top spot is because I was so drunk I forgot all about it when I woke up the next day. Given that I was a such a lazy, untidy person, I only realised what I had done when I opened the lid on the basket several days later.
What’s your most treasured possession?
I bought a replica medieval warhammer during lockdown last year. It’s historically accurate, made by a true artisan, and is as beautiful as it is lethal. Swinging it around is great stress relief too, and so far I’ve only given myself a handful of minor injuries with it. Bring on the zombie apocalypse, I’m ready.
Who would you rather pay golf with? Michael McKintyre, Take That, or The Queen?
The Queen. I’d let her win as she isn’t having the best time right now.
Do you empty your own hoover bag?
It has to be emptied?!
What are you wearing?
Now you’re just being creepy.
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